39 weeks

well, i've figured out how to combat insomnia: go to bed at 3 in the morning! i wish i was kidding, but unless i go to bed super late (early), i will be awake forever, just lying there... or, i'll fall asleep okay, and then wake up in the middle of the night and be awake for hours. so, by going to bed when i'm just absolutely exhausted, i've been able to fall asleep the last few weeks, but then i sleep until noon or one in the afternoon... every day. blech! i can't tell you how much i hate this.

and random... one thing i forgot to mention is that i have been craving ice! i've loved sipping on slushies for the past couple months, but lately i just love chewing on ice and have even been tempted to throw some ice in a blender and make an ice-only slushie. i love to chew it when i'm thirsty. it's very refreshing and i like the crunch. i figured it's probably because i am anemic... i've heard ice is a very common craving during pregnancy and i think it's funny that i'm one of "those" pregnant women!

the last week or so, especially yesterday, i had a lot of braxton hicks contractions that were crampy and fairly regular. i'd have three or four in thirty minutes' time, and then wouldn't feel anything for hours. they were also a little different in that they extend very, very deep, even as though i can feel them in my birth canal. i've been paying close attention to them when they happen, taking in the sensations of tightening, noting where they begin and end. i've been timing a few just to see how long they last -- most are 45 seconds to a minute in length. i know i'm not going into labor, but i'd like to think they are working to help open me up and prepare my body for labor.

however, true to my pessimistic personality, i expect to be pregnant for a few more weeks. this entire pregnancy i have been incredibly stressed and emotional, and i feel like this is going to get in the way of my body going into labor. i was beginning to feel impatient about this pregnancy. naturally, i am uncomfortable and i want my body back, but now i'm thinking the baby staying in for a couple more weeks might be a good thing. i just need some time to get the house really clean, organize some stuff, and sit down and relax. there are some things on my plate that are really overwhelming me, and it's hard not to let it get to me. i've been feeling so negative and depressed the last couple days, and i don't want to bring a new baby into that environment. (except i guess it doesn't matter since i've been sharing my stress hormones with her... sigh. i was pretty chill during my pregnancy with river... and he was a chill baby. i've always joked that this one was going to be my difficult baby, but at this point i wouldn't be surprised if it were true.)