Sunday, September 21, 2014

31-37 weeks

Well, I'm officially out of the comfortable stage of pregnancy. At night when I need to get up five times to pee, everything hurts. It's hard to roll over, lean down, sit down, stand up.

I still don't have bad pelvic pain! But I honestly think it's because I'm lying down all the time -- ha! After a day of normal activity level, my hips hurt a bit more that night or the next day.

My emotions have seemed to even out, thank God. I feel overall very calm, patient, and ready to have the baby. I may lose it now and then, like uh, when I started sobbing last night because I was super nauseated and my mouth was salivating like crazy and I was thirsty, but I couldn't drink water or chew my mint gum, because both make the heartburn worse. Heh. But for the most part, I've been pretty zen.

Insomnia is back to sucking. I have a hard time falling asleep before midnight, and then I usually wake up naturally at around 6 in the morning and cannot fall back to sleep. I have no idea why, but it is so frustrating, and I know it attributes to my fatigue during the day.

I'm absolutely exhausted all the time and take daily naps. It might sound nice to nap every day, but I have zero energy to do normal things that need to get done, like vacuum, make dinner, play with my kids. I just lie in bed all day, just about five to six days a week. Every now and then, I'll have a day where I feel more energetic, but for the most part I am physically weary and tired, and actually sleepy all day long. I never experienced fatigue like this during my other pregnancies, and certainly not throughout the entire pregnancy.

It's still frustrating to try and eat. Too little food, and I feel light-headed and nauseated. Too much food, or the wrong choice of food, and I feel sick to my stomach, have heartburn, and just all-around gross. I eat about two meals a day and carbs make me feel like crap. I've discovered that I feel best on a low-carb, high fat diet, and that's what I've been eating the past few weeks to try to get my iron up, and it's been working. Lots of beef, eggs, and veggies. At least when I eat like that, I don't have horrible heartburn or nausea, and the protein helps me feel less light-headed.

I have been having a lot of prodromal labor as of week 32. Regular, crampy contractions always happen at night, after I'm already in bed. I've stopped timing them, because I know they are just going to stay like that without turning into actual labor -- until they do! But I don't expect that to happen early. I am still very worried about having the baby too quickly. I'm not so worried about my midwives not being here for the birth, but more so about John missing the birth, since during rush hour it takes him over an hour to get home, or my mom missing the birth, since she's not always great about answering her phone, haha.

My iron got lower -- really low. My hemocrit was at 28 (whatever that means?) and needed to be at 30 to legally have a homebirth. Well, after two weeks of eating a ton of beef and taking three different iron supplements, it's finally up to 30.5! I am thrilled, because if I didn't get it up, I would need iron infusions, which would happen a few times a week and would require me to sit in the hospital for about three hours each visit, and I just don't have the time or resources to do that, with having a two-year-old and only one vehicle. I am so thankful to God that my iron went up and I am in the "safe zone." I had been working so hard to get it up for over a month, and to have it dip even lower was confusing and frustrating! It was so low, I think it's only by his hand that it budged.

This baby is still so much more quiet than River and Austen were. I'm feeling lots of internal kicks, like I'm being socked in the stomach. And he sticks his little hands up near my bladder a lot (ouch!). I love feeling him move. I hope his quiet nature in the womb means he will be a mellow baby! (Except that he seems to be most active at around midnight... so that'll be fun in about three weeks!) I cannot wait to hold him.

(And no, we still don't know the gender, I just don't like saying "it" and have a feeling the baby's a boy. :)

Sunday, August 3, 2014

26-30 weeks

I think I've entered the "comfortable" part of pregnancy. Besides the heat and not having an air conditioned apartment, things have been relatively uneventful and nice! It must also be noted that I have reached the part of pregnancy where it is impossible to lean down to pick things up and food that falls lands directly on my belly.

I've discovered as long as I sleep with a couple pillows between my legs, I don't have pelvic pain! This is literally the first time, the first pregnancy even, that I haven't had pelvic pain. It's always one of my earliest symptoms, and makes doing anything painful and difficult. I'm really glad I'm not experiencing it too much (only now and then) because as a mom of a four-year-old and two-year-old, not doing stuff isn't really an option. While I don't have pelvic pain, I do have a general weariness of my bones and muscles. It feels so good to sit... which is what I do all the time anyway. Ha.

I'm still super moody and emotional. John and I never fight, and we've had two arguments this month... I know it's because I am being a bitch about everything! The slightest thing sets me off, and the kids are taking the brunt of it. Poor guys. I don't really know what to do. I feel like I'm yelling at them all day long sometimes! I'm trying to keep my head above the water, because sometimes I can feel the depression trying to tug on me. I won't let it, though; not this time. Now that I know what postpartum depression feels like, and I'm aware that I dealt with it last time, I know how to avoid it and ask for support if I need it. Depression sucks, y'all.

Insomnia hasn't been too bad. One o'clock in the morning is my bed time, and I get up around ten. I'm afraid if I try to go to sleep any earlier, I will be waking up and staying up at 3am, just like when I was pregnant in Austen. That was brutal.

Fatigue and sleepiness is still pretty bad. I'm just tired, all the time. I start to feel run down between 3 to 5 in the afternoon (which happens to also be the hottest part of the day, and lately it's been in the 90s) and all I want to do is lie down and rest. Often I'll take a nap after lunch while the kids just watch TV. Nothing I can do about that, I suppose, since I'm already getting nine hours of sleep a night. I really wanted to run during this pregnancy, but I get tired so easily, I think it would be impossible. By the time I am able to run, say in January or so, it will have been almost a year. So that's going to be interesting! I'll have to start all over again, going probably a third mile at a time. Eh.

As far as food goes, our relationship is rocky. I don't really have any cravings and usually wait until the afternoon to eat, but by then I'm super light headed and feel like passing out. Eating makes me salivate like crazy, which in turn makes me nauseated. The hypersalivation is by far my biggest complaint. It. Is. Nasty. It gives me this horrid metallic taste in my mouth, and I either have to carry around a cup to spit in, or chew on gum. All day long. I've gone through ten packs of gum in the last month. (That's super healthy, huh. How do you like that fake chemical sweetener, Baby? On the up-side my teeth feel clean all the time.) Heartburn has just recently come back at night, which sucks. It's not nearly as bad as it was before, but it still makes me nauseated and generally uncomfortable. I can eat two meals a day and then go to bed hungry if I don't want to be miserable. I wouldn't eat anything at all if that was an option; food just doesn't appeal to me much lately -- just live on chocolate milk and ice tea, maybe a juicy piece of fruit now and then. Sounds good to me! (Except for sea food... shrimp, lobster, flounder, oh my. I guess you could say that's what I've been craving. I feel like I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! But I don't, because I don't really buy seafood. But I sure am craving it.)

Braxton Hicks contractions have begun. Phew, they take my breath away! I have to stop what I'm doing and breathe through them. This is how it was with my other two, so I am unconcerned. I think these strong practice contractions may be the reason I labor quickly, and I am totally fine with that. They aren't painful, just intense. I'd rather have these for the next ten weeks, than painful ones for hours at the end!

I'm getting my iron checked next week, but when I had it checked at the WIC clinic a few weeks ago, it went up a point! This was before I started my supplements, so I am hopeful!

Lots of movement from this baby the last two weeks. Finally! Still not as acrobatic as the other two. This baby likes to hang out completely horizontal, which cracks me up. I'll feel movement on one side and kicks on the other. Still a lot of room in there. (Ya better head downwards, baby. Never had a breach baby and don't plan on it for the future.)

I have been really bad about keeping up with this journal, so I don't recall my weight from the previous weeks, but this week (30 weeks) I have gained 23 pounds. With River, I gained a total of 27 pounds, and with Austen I gained 30. I'm right on target with where I was during my pregnancies with them. Weight during pregnancy has never been something I've cared about though. Obviously, it's completely out of my control... I ate normally with River, ate TONS of sugar with Austen (daily doses of Dr. Pepper and Twix bars... it was bad), and simply don't have an appetite with this baby, and my body just kinda does what it wants!

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

21-25 weeks

Finally, the constant, all-day sickness is gone. I very slowly weaned off my Zofran starting at around 20 weeks, and at 24 weeks was off completely. I am SO happy. I still get nauseated now and then, but I feel almost back to normal and that is all that matters! My heartburn went away along with the sickness, too. I am thrilled. Now I feel like I can actually enjoy being pregnant (maybe).

When the sickness left, everything else started, it seems. My moodiness is here (I cry about the most random things), the fatigue is greater than it ever was with my first two pregnancies (it feels like first trimester fatigue... I could sleep all day), my pelvic pain is out of control (it's hard to get out of bed, stand from sitting, and get dressed), insomnia, Braxton Hicks. Baby moves every day, more pronounced now.

Friday, May 30, 2014

17-20 weeks

The heartburn is so bad, it is almost as awful as the actual vomiting.

Insomnia has not been bad at all.

Fatigue and energy levels are still very low. I'm pretty anemic (a 9) and constantly light-headed and tired.

I'm feeling movement every day, but due to the anterior placenta I usually only feel it when I'm sitting or lying down, and only a few times a day. It's so weird not to feel this baby move like my others did!

Sunday, April 27, 2014

15-16 weeks

Awful heartburn... eating is so touch and go. If it burns going down, it'll make me sick and I'll have heartburn. If I eat too much, I'll get heartburn. Of course, if I don't eat enough, I'll be super nauseous. The worst is when I eat too much, have heartburn three hours later but am hungry and nauseous... but can't eat, because the heartburn will make me sick! I can tell my "morning" sickness hasn't gotten much better because I still get waves of nausea where I almost get sick, but the Zofran really helps me fight it off. I thought maybe by the time my prescription was gone, the morning sickness would be gone, too, but it looks like I'll have to have it refilled. It's very frutrating. I'm over this. So over it.

*edit: I thought it mattered how much I ate and when I ate, but today I had a single sandwich, some chips, and a piece of fruit at 4:30, and eight freaking hours later, without having eaten anything else, I have heartburn so bad it makes me want to vomit. Oh and nausea, because I haven't eaten in eight hours. So I am just going to accept that every evening, I'm going to get heartburn no matter what, and I may as well not eat dinner so it doesn't have to be worse than it is.*

Insomnia is better! I don't lie awake for hours.

Fatigue is so much better, too. I'm not as ridiculously sleepy like I have been so far, but still get tired early. I get about ten hours of sleep a night and feel exhausted by the time I go to bed, but I haven't been as sleepy during the day.

Energy is another thing -- I'm slightly anemic, nothing serious yet, but my iron will continue to dip unless I start taking my supplements (which I've been avoiding due to severe nausea).

Haven't really been moody, just slightly more sentimental and teary about things like cute YouTube videos. The song "Colors of the Wind" from Pocahontas made me cry. So that was funny.

I only have aches and pains when I do a lot during the day. If I'm sick and lying in bed all day, I don't have any pelvic pain. 

Finally felt for sure fetal movement, the day before Easter at just before 16 weeks. But I can't feel it often, just about every other day or so, because the placenta has formed in the front of my uterus.

I've only gained a pound so far. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

12-14 weeks

Heartburn, nausea & vomiting, food aversions, insomnia, fatigue, pelvic pain, sensitivity to smells, excess saliva, weak & tired probably from anemia. My fatigue has been out of control this entire pregnancy! I don't remember being this tired all the time with my other babies. I am literally sleeping more than my kids now. I go to bed when they go to bed, wake up when they wake up, and have to catch an hour or two of sleep in the afternoon. It's ridiculous!

I didn't ever get to weigh myself during the most severe morning sickness, but knowing my past history with losing weight following something like this, in the month that I was most sick and not consuming much food at all, I estimate that I lost about 15 lbs. When I finally was able to weigh myself at 12 weeks, I was still 3 lbs. under pre-pregnancy weight, even after eating normally for three weeks.

Food aversions are also more pronounced this time around. There's hardly anything I can stomach. I eat fruit, smoothies, popsicles, and salads during the day, and every now and then I'll have an intense, random craving for something. I'll eat it, it will be delicious, and then I will go back to not even being able to stomach looking at a picture of it. Last week it was egg drop soup and clam chowder. Last night it was a roast beef sandwich. Today the thought of eating any of those makes me want to gag. And many, many foods give me heartburn. Anything with ANY kind of spice at all burns going down and I can't eat it... sausage, mild salsa, mustard, pickles. It's frustrating because I can't just buy something at the grocery store and then plan on eating it, and I'm getting tired of fruit and salads. I'm not really sure what to do! Many days I don't eat much at all, because the thought of food in general sounds disgusting, but then I'm hungry which makes me more nauseous. Pregnancy problems. At least I'm having healthy cravings. The thought of things like cookies and brownies sounds disgusting... who would have thought! I am normally a sugar fiend!

Week 12: This week we had our first sonogram! Baby was so active; it was just amazing. It was moving his little head back and forth, doing flips, sticking its hands up near its head, moving little toes and fingers. I cried. It was so incredible to see the tiny life growing inside me. And I received what I considered very good news: I am actually a week further along than I thought. Going in to the ultrasound, I thought I was 11 weeks along, but I was actually 12 weeks. Hoorah! I got to skip an entire week of pregnancy. This week in terms of nausea was awful. I was so sick during this week. The Reglan was no longer working, so I stopped taking it. Back to vomiting 8x a day and surviving on juice, water, and Ensure. Better to vomit liquid than solids and damaging my esophagus, so there was no point in eating.

Week 13: My midwife prescribed me Zofran and it is a LIFE-SAVER. It worked so well, that I stopped throwing up in the mornings before taking the meds. I felt better this week than I had for the last month and a half. So good, in fact, that we had a scare. One morning I had a little spotting, and I've never had spotting during pregnancy before. Combined with the sudden decrease in symptoms, I freaked out and started thinking I might be miscarrying. It was so scary -- hard to even describe. I've always understood that a miscarriage is a very emotional loss to go through, but now I have an even deeper understanding of what it feels like. Thankfully, we were able to go into the birth center immediately and listen to the baby's heartbeat; I've never heard a sweeter sound! I was so grateful that everything was okay, but my heart breaks even more for the mamas who do have to go through this. Some of them, over and over. I will never understand and I'll never look at pregnancy loss the same way. I have a newfound empathy for my friends who have lost babies in the womb.

Week 14: Experienced my first Braxton Hicks! Oh, how I dislike them. This week was hard. Going into my system the Zofran worked great. Now that it's been a week, it's starting to wear off a little. Most days this week, I would just lie in my bed. I started throwing up in the mornings again, and almost threw up a couple times during the day (but I've gotten really good and fighting a vomiting spell -- unfortunately). The bad days and good days seem to come in waves. I'll have one good day, then three horrible days, then wake up feeling fine -- but I guess that's just the hormones and my body calming down and hopefully the sickness coming to a slow end. Now I know when I have a good day, it doesn't necessarily mean the morning sickness is gone for good, it just means I'm having a good day that could be followed by a day ten times worse. Oh, well. My only consolation is that this will be over soon.

Friday, March 28, 2014

6-11 weeks

Horrible heartburn. Debilitating nausea and vomiting. Nights are worse. Vial tasting, excess saliva constantly that makes the nausea so much worse. Sensitivity to smells that cause me to throw up. Pelvic pain, but not too bad, probably because I'm practically on bedrest. Insomnia.

Bump pops out at 11 weeks. Before then I couldn't see or feel a thing.

This severe morning sickness is the worst I've ever dealt with, and after talking to some women on hyperemisis gravidarum pages, I'm fairly certain I have a very mild case. I won't call it that, though, knwoing what some women with HG go through, so I'm just sticking to the term "severe morning sickness," even though with this baby it certainly lasts morning, noon, and night, even in the middle of the night. I was vomiting up to 8 times a day, I couldn't keep anything down and my esophagus was burning and bloody due to vomiting so much and so violently. I got into the pattern of drinking a couple of high-protein ensures and apple juice during the day, knowing I would throw them up within the hour, but hoping to at least get some nutrients and hydration. I almost passed out while caring for the kids one morning, which led me to seek medicine. One night I was feeling so awful, John took a taxi home early from work to take me to the urgent care clinic. There I was prescribed Reglan. I was hesitant to take it after reading the very common adverse side-effects, but I was at the point of desperation, so I took my first dose on a day John had off work, just to be safe. It was a life saver, and I have absolutely zero side-effects. I still feel very ill someday, but I can function. I can move and sit up without feeling like I am going to throw up. I still get sick every morning and sometimes at night, but feel so much better. In a couple weeks, I am going to try Zofran. I still deal with the edge of nausea all day, even on good days, so I hope the Zofran will work a bit better.

With Austen this lasted until 20 weeks and with River, 17 weeks. So I've got at least a month to go. I feel like I've been strong, but this morning I broke down and had my first pregnancy emotional breakdown. I'm sick of being sick, sick of everything smelling and making me nauseated, sick of the house being a wreck, sick of yelling at my kids from the couch, sick of not being able to read to them or play with them, sick of not being able to do simple things like go grocery shopping or take a trip to the library, sick of not being able to take a shower without feeling like I'm going to pass out, sick of not being able to enjoy food, sick of having to sit up for hours after dinner to combat the heartburn. Just sick of it all.