39 weeks

well, i've figured out how to combat insomnia: go to bed at 3 in the morning! i wish i was kidding, but unless i go to bed super late (early), i will be awake forever, just lying there... or, i'll fall asleep okay, and then wake up in the middle of the night and be awake for hours. so, by going to bed when i'm just absolutely exhausted, i've been able to fall asleep the last few weeks, but then i sleep until noon or one in the afternoon... every day. blech! i can't tell you how much i hate this.

and random... one thing i forgot to mention is that i have been craving ice! i've loved sipping on slushies for the past couple months, but lately i just love chewing on ice and have even been tempted to throw some ice in a blender and make an ice-only slushie. i love to chew it when i'm thirsty. it's very refreshing and i like the crunch. i figured it's probably because i am anemic... i've heard ice is a very common craving during pregnancy and i think it's funny that i'm one of "those" pregnant women!

the last week or so, especially yesterday, i had a lot of braxton hicks contractions that were crampy and fairly regular. i'd have three or four in thirty minutes' time, and then wouldn't feel anything for hours. they were also a little different in that they extend very, very deep, even as though i can feel them in my birth canal. i've been paying close attention to them when they happen, taking in the sensations of tightening, noting where they begin and end. i've been timing a few just to see how long they last -- most are 45 seconds to a minute in length. i know i'm not going into labor, but i'd like to think they are working to help open me up and prepare my body for labor.

however, true to my pessimistic personality, i expect to be pregnant for a few more weeks. this entire pregnancy i have been incredibly stressed and emotional, and i feel like this is going to get in the way of my body going into labor. i was beginning to feel impatient about this pregnancy. naturally, i am uncomfortable and i want my body back, but now i'm thinking the baby staying in for a couple more weeks might be a good thing. i just need some time to get the house really clean, organize some stuff, and sit down and relax. there are some things on my plate that are really overwhelming me, and it's hard not to let it get to me. i've been feeling so negative and depressed the last couple days, and i don't want to bring a new baby into that environment. (except i guess it doesn't matter since i've been sharing my stress hormones with her... sigh. i was pretty chill during my pregnancy with river... and he was a chill baby. i've always joked that this one was going to be my difficult baby, but at this point i wouldn't be surprised if it were true.)

38 weeks

well, i am officially 38 weeks, and thus considered full-term, tomorrow. and i feel like it. the past week just sort of hit me physically. i am so achy and tired. my abdomen feels as stretched as it could possibly be, and so incredibly heavy. i'm also feeling pretty crampy, but not in the labor sense. i'm so ready for this baby to come! she has been head-down for a couple months now, but she likes hanging out posterior lately, with her little hands by her face. hopefully she'll decide to be anterior when i go into labor... with her hands away from her head. kind of funny, because i was sort of concerned about both. i know they are common and that posterior labor can be very painful, and a nuchal hand can cause a tear. my midwife told me a lot of women compare posterior labor to fast labor though -the same intensity- so i figure if i could deal with river's four-hour labor, maybe i'll be able to deal with a posterior labor, if that's what baby decides she wants to do. i have not been checked and i'm not really sure i want to be checked, so as of now i have no idea if my cervix has begun to dilate or soften. at this point with river, i had only dilated 1/2 a centimeter, and he ended up coming just two days after my due date and after only four hours of labor. checking is pointless, really, but i'm curious. however, curiosity killed the cat. or... makes a mama miserable if the result isn't what she was hoping for. ;)

on a different note, i'm still thinking this baby is going to come out a boy. maybe that sounds silly, but a part of me feels like i still should not get too excited about having a girl and just prepare myself emotionally for another boy... ha.

36-37 weeks

not much to report on. i noticed the other day i have gotten more stretch marks. i hadn't even paid attention. haven't really had any heartburn, insomnia is come and go, my braxton hicks are still frequent and strong, and i'm still emotional. oh, and i think i'm nesting. which is nice because i never nested with river. as much as i think i hate it, cleaning is pretty therapeutic and it takes a lot of stress out of my life when the house is in order. i can't function in mess and disorganization!

this baby girl can come any day now. i'm so excited! i'm crossing my fingers for the 7th or the 12th of october -- the 7th is my little sister emma rose's birthday, and the 12th is my grandparent's anniversary. mostly, i am looking forward to being out of maternity clothes and being able to pick things up off the floor without feeling terribly uncomfortable. i'm trying to remind myself not to get anxious. river came only two days after his EDD, and this whole time, without even realizing it, i've expected this baby to come close to her due date. however, that could very well not be the case. i'm trying to prepare myself to go over and not be impatient. she'll come in her own time!

34-35 weeks & in the clear!

i am now measuring within a safe range, thank god! at the visit with my midwife yesterday my fundal height was 32 cm, 3 centimeters from the 29 cm i was measuring two weeks ago. this means nothing looks suspicious and i will not have to get another sonogram to check on baby. i only gained a pound the last two weeks, which really means that austen has gained a pound, not me. i haven't had much of an appetite, so i'm not surprised. i was most anxious about my iron levels and my midwife called today to tell me my test results came back and i am in the clear to have a safe homebirth -- my iron levels have gone from a 9, up to 10.4! i have been crazy-consistent with my supplements the last ten days or so: one dropper once daily of vitamin B 12, two droppers twice a day of yellowdock, and two droppers twice daily of chlorophyll (you can't tell me homeopathic remedies don't work ;). mixing them in apple juice isn't too bad. i am still anemic and she wants to see me at an 11, so i am still going to take my supplements until the baby arrives. i am so relieved to be in the safe zone though, both with my iron levels and fundal height. i'm not worried about getting my iron levels up even more -- i know at this point it will be easy since it went up that much in just a week and a half, and my blood volume will not expand anymore during the pregnancy.

my next visit with my midwife will be a home visit. she'll bring the birth tub and bag of birthing supplies over, and the assistant midwife (who is also a sweet friend of ours and assisted at river's birth) and a student midwife will be coming over as well. cool story -- the student midwife is in the very early stage of her midwifery training and will just be observing, but she is actually a "horse midwife" and has helped the delivery of hundreds of horses! interesting, huh? :)

a rundown of all symptoms:

not as much heartburn, only sometimes. but certain foods still burn going down. aches & pains daily -- sometimes my back hurts so bad when i go to sit down or get up that i have to catch my breath. it has been like this throughout the pregnancy though. i still have excess saliva, mostly when i'm hungry or if i've just eaten something sweet or something that contains a lot of dairy. i avoid drinking glasses of milk because it produces so much saliva that it makes me sick to my stomach. my sense of smell hasn't been as out of control as it was with river, but most chemical smells still bother me, especially perfumes, body sprays, room fresheners, etc. still craving beef, not really experiencing food aversions to anything. i still experience light-headedness and nausea every now and then, but i think that's attributed to dehydration and lack of protein. i still have insomnia some nights, but not every night. it kicks my butt. the other night i was awake until six in the morning! the BH contractions are still as strong as ever and i don't notice a difference when i drink water. i will just continue with the comforting thought that my body is doing a lot of work now and that this labor will be just as fast, if not faster, than river's. baby is still moving around as much as her brother. her hands are down by her head a lot, which makes me wonder if she's going to be born like that. ouch... i really hope not.

32-33 weeks

not much to report on. i haven't gained any weight the past two weeks, and i'm measuring the same too -- just 29 centimeters. in two weeks at our next appointment, if i am still measuring 4 cm away from what is average (i am about 33 weeks along so i should be measuring within 4 cm of 33; with river i always measured the same number of weeks i was along in my pregnancy) my midwife is recommending an ultrasound. i asked her if the smaller measurements could have anything to do with my low iron and she said it could -- i need to up my iron so that my body isn't working so hard at just keeping me going, and so the placenta is receiving enough oxygen and nutrients, etc. she said it's not a bad thing, or dangerous... but it could be better. she said baby girl feels smaller than what she remembers river feeling like in the womb. i'm not worried, but i do understand the importance of being consistent with my iron these next two weeks. :\

OH, and, i have been feeling her practice making breathing motions! i never felt river move around like that. it's a pulsating, like her little body is taking breaths in and out. so cool! she's getting ready to meet her mama. :)

:edit: she is also very low, already making her way down into my pelvic area.

30-31 weeks

- my iron has gotten lower! it's at a 9 (whatever that means) and it should be at an 11 to be on the very low end of healthy, preferably a 14. (seriously, what does that mean?) i am in my 32nd week, which means i really need to be consistent with getting it up. every day i need to take chlorophyll, yellowdock, and vitamins C and B, and then in a month my midwife will draw my blood again. sigh. i'm thinking of taking floradix like i did with river, because it worked so well, but it's about $50 for a bottle (taking two tablespoons a day), whereas chlorophyll is $12 for a tincture (about 40 drops a day).

- my esophagus is so messed up, i can tell what will give me heartburn as i'm eating it. chocolate, salsa, peanut butter -- if it burns going down, it burns coming up.

- i'm weighing less and measuring smaller than i did with river at this point in my pregnancy. i'm hoping this doesn't mean i'm not as far along as i think.

- insomnia is annoying, but i can live with it as long as i don't have anything to do the next morning. i can fall asleep okay, but i'll wake up three hours later and not be able to fall back asleep, sometimes for a few hours. then when i finally do, it's that dozing kind of sleep, where you feel like you've been awake the whole night. by seven, i can usually fall back into a good sleep, but then river's ready to get up a couple hours later.

- the baby is now moving around just as much as her big brother did... she was so quiet for so long, but the past month i've been thinking she's trying to rip her way out of my uterus. that, or she's hosting dance parties.

- this pregnancy has given me three more stretch marks. with river, i got two teeny stretch marks on my stomach in the LAST WEEK of pregnancy. these showed up a couple weeks ago and are getting longer. whatever.

- cravings: beef and dr pepper. i have had a lot of burgers lately... normally i never eat beef!

26-29 weeks

well, i guess my easy second trimester is over, and it's time to say hello to the third trimester with a bang! every morning, for the last... oh, five days, i wake up feeling like i've had an intense workout. it started with my abdomen a couple weeks ago. i started feeling sore and achy, like i'd been using my stomach muscles. now, every muscle in my body aches! it is hard for me to get in and out of bed or off the couch, and every step i take hurts. when i was pregnant with river, my back and hips hurt from five weeks until he was born. this time, i get it all over... yay.

other than that, not much has changed. i have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow morning, and i'm really hoping my iron has gone up, otherwise there is the chance that i can't have a homebirth. i haven't been as consistent as i should in taking my iron, but i feel really good (other than being achy). i feel like i have a lot of energy, but i'm not going to get my hopes up. my midwife will draw some blood tomorrow and i'll get the lab results in a few days. keep your fingers crossed.

25 weeks & a comparison

this pregnancy has been easier on me than the last. here is a mid-pregnancy comparison of the two so far.

.morning sickness.

or rather, all-day sickness. i thought for a while that this time it was easier, but my husband thinks it was about the same, that i was just more prepared for it this time and handled it better. at this point, i agree. there were two things i did differently, almost from the start: i didn't eat (as much) junk food, and i allowed myself to throw up every morning before i ate. the first one is obviously self-explanatory. and, well, throwing up water is not nearly as bad as throwing up breakfast. if i didn't let myself throw up, then i'd generally feel bad the entire day. at least puking first thing gave me some relief. the difference this time is that the morning sickness lasted longer. it wasn't really gone until about 20 weeks (with river, it was gone by 17 weeks) and even now at 25 weeks, i still get nauseous every once in a while. but nothing to complain about -- as long as i have had enough water and protein and am able to put something dense in my stomach (a couple slices of toast, as opposed to a bowl of grapes) then i am perfectly fine.

.heartburn.

the only thing that gave me heartburn during my first pregnancy was coffee. this time, most anything can give me heartburn. it's milder than last time, just more frequent. i think this has to do with my morning sickness and puking stomach acids every morning. (isn't pregnancy lovely?)

.aches & pains.

i was so achy with river, from the first trimester to the last. there was no "easy" middle trimester. my hips & back hurt and i experienced so many middle-of-the-night leg cramps it's not even funny. the weird sensations of a large baby growing inside really bothered me and i was generally uncomfortable all the time. i think part of the reason it's easier on me this time is that, again, i was more prepared... although i am getting to that point in the pregnancy when it starts becoming more uncomfortable, just because of the size of my growing baby!

anemia.

with each pregnancy, i have been very low in iron. obviously, this effects my energy levels and makes me light-headed and physically tired. the other day i was trying to hold a cereal bowl up while river was finishing the milk and my arm was so weak i had to take a couple breaks. ha! with a toddler in the picture, i am forced to be more active rather than just lie on the couch watching tv all day, which is something i did often during my first pregnancy. because of this, i think i feel better (even though my iron levels are a little lower than last time) until i randomly feel as if i will pass out, and the only thing that will make me feel better is eating something. i upped my iron pretty quickly during my first pregnancy, but this time i haven't been sticking to it like i should. i need to really get on it though, and my midwives keep reminding me i'll feel so much better when i do!

.food aversions & cravings.
this one always makes me laugh! with river, i couldn't eat green salads, yogurt, or beef the entire time i was pregnant. this time around i am actually craving green salads and beef (i eat a giant spinach salad  almonds, dried cranberries, & feta cheese every day for lunch... SO GOOD). this time the only aversion i've found that's lasted past my first trimester is lamb gyros. normally i love lamb gyros but they just don't float my boat right now. and eating a lot of grapes or tomatoes (sliced or as a sauce) make me nauseous. i love grapes. sad day. :( as far as cravings go, once again i am craving bar-b-q like a mad woman. i didn't even like BBQ before i got pregnant with river! during that pregnancy and now, i could eat it every day. i never get tired of it. give me some grilled chicken and sausage and brisket and pulled-pork sandwiches all slathered in BBQ sauce and we will be friends for life. don't forget a giant sweet iced tea! my appetite isn't crazy this time around, and it wasn't when i was pregnant with river, either. i think i'm actually eating less than i do when i'm not pregnant. probably because i was breastfeeding and literally eating for myself and a 17-month-old, unlike pregnancy -- you're not really "eating for two;" more like eating for one and a fourth. :)

.braxton hicks.
during my first pregnancy, i started feeling braxton hicks contractions around 21, 22 weeks, and they gradually became very strong (i think this attributes, in part, to my fast, four-hour labor). with this baby, i felt them around 14 weeks and now they are so strong, sometimes i have to stop what i'm doing and breathe through them! they are not painful, but very strong, and i'm hoping this is a sign that i will have another easy labor, because much of the work is already being done.

.emotions.
i'm still super emotional, which is not something i experienced at all with river. this means at any given moment, if my poor husband says the wrong thing, i will feel hurt, bitchy, offended, or angry. i know this has everything to do with my hormones, and i can recognize it so quickly that it's almost funny (if i wasn't so upset ;). i have this theory that because i am carrying a girl, there is an overabundance of estrogen and that's what's making me so moody. no idea if that is legit or not, but it sounds good. and certain commercials and sappy youtube videos still make me cry. it's just ridiculous. 

.other super fun things.

the excess saliva is killing me. seriously, it's SO GROSS. and i'm still dealing with it! with river, when the morning sickness went away, the excess saliva went away. but i'm still having to spit in the sink every now and then and it makes me sick to my stomach. blech. my sense of smell is still extremely sensitive, and that also makes me feel sick... again, mostly just chemical smells (lotion, candles, shampoo, etc.). 

week 21? 22? i can't remember...

pregnancy to do list:
unreasonable sobbing spell of the day. check.

if there's one major difference between this pregnancy and the last, it's that i am the most emotional being on the planet. the tiniest thing can set me off -- the tone of john's voice, river emptying out a box of cereal on the floor, a sappy commercial, you name it.

my morning sickness is gone, thank god. the other day i had a really weird day where i woke up nauseous, almost threw up after breakfast, and was nauseated most of the day. but seriously, other than that, it's gone. and other than being anemic and hardly being able to hold up a bowl of milk for river to finish because my arm is too weak, i feel really great. the house has been clean for about four days -- that's a sign that all is well and despite my lack of energy, i have a lot of energy. if that makes sense. i'm going to blame it on the pregnancy. i like cleaning things lately. early nesting?

peanut butter gives me heartburn. sad day. PB&J was my obsession when i was pregnant with river (as well as hotdogs, BBQ, and sweet iced tea). i'm not craving it, so i don't have a problem not eating it... but peanut butter cookies, that's a different story. i'm very disappointed that i can't eat twelve peanut butter cookies and not get heartburn. totally not fair. this time around i am craving BBQ again like a maaaad woman. our pastor gave us a giant hunk of pork shoulder that should feed us for three days and i am crazy with anticipation. two more days of thawing in the fridge and eight hours of cooking in the oven and then slathered with brown sugar bar-b-que sauce and slapped between two hamburger buns and it's mine! ALL MINE!

this is the first time in my pregnancy when i don't remember how far along i am. i think i'm 22 weeks. but it could be 21... i don't think it's 23... i'll figure it out soon. and people keep asking if we've found out what the baby is. nope. believe me, you'll know. it'll either be:

it's a boy. told you.

or,

OH MY GOD IT'S A GIRL. A GIRL A GIRL A GIRL! A LITTLE. GIRL!

here's my bump as of...two weeks ago?

17 & 18 weeks

the morning sickness is officially gone, as of about a few days ago... i think. i thought it never would. it went off like a switch again, just like last time. this morning was rough -- i stupidly went to the park with river and a friend and her toddler, without eating or drinking anything. the combination of that, the heat, and chasing river around got to me, and i almost passed out and ended up throwing up, which was tons of fun. the rest of the day i've had very little energy and have had a few waves of nausea, but i think that's because i wasn't taking care of myself. for the most part, i feel pretty good lately, which is a huge relief.

i have been having braxton hicks contractions for about a week now. i thought i felt them earlier in the pregnancy, and i'm pretty sure i did, but i know for sure i've been feeling them for the past week. i am still very tired; the other day i slept eight hours at night and took a late three hour nap, only to go to bed at eleven and sleep ten more hours! it's ridiculous, but the naps are the best thing in the world. john is very sweet about keeping river occupied and letting me sleep during the day if i need to. i'm still not feeling the baby very often, and my midwife said it's probably because the placenta is in front, acting like a pillow (or punching bag). everything else is the same. hopefully we'll be able to find out what the gender is in a few weeks. :)

15 & 16 weeks

15 weeks, in terms of morning sickness, was awful. i don't know why. i had some of my worst days and was seriously considering whether i'd have to go through an entire nine months of morning sickness. now i'm coming to the end of my 16th week and i can say i may finally be seeing an end to this all-day nausea. i hope. i always wake up nauseous and i still throw up every morning, but after some protein i am normally good to go. i've actually had enough energy the last three days to do a little laundry, wash some dishes, vacuum, and cook a meal or two. this is my only consolation that things are looking up though, because evenings are hard. it doesn't seem to matter what i do or do not eat, i get to a point where nothing will take away the nausea but sleep.

i am still just as tired as i was in my first trimester. i'm sleeping eleven hours a night, and i still wake up thinking noooo, river. go back to sleep. mommy needs sleeeeeep. i woke up at 8:30 this morning and it's only 8:45 this evening and my head is heavy and i'm sleepy enough to hit the sheets.

after i posted last, i realized i was definitely feeling some baby movement, but even though i'm going on two weeks of feeling movement, they are still tiny and hardly noticeable at times. this baby has yet to give me a kick anything like river's!

as happened during my pregnancy with river, during my 17th week of pregnancy (16 weeks along) i seemed to have exploded! i actually look pregnant now, and got my first "how far along are you" question yesterday. i'm sure there are still plenty people out there who think i am just a skinny girl with a fat belly.

13 & 14 weeks

hi second trimester. you haven't been much different than the first. all the same symptoms, and still you lead me to lean over the toilet every morning. if anything, you taught me that throwing up every day for two months does some damage to one's esophagus, and that evening i puked up a little blood and couldn't eat the rest of the day because my throat felt like it was on fire -- that was by far more unpleasant than any day first trimester handed to me. so thanks.

i am so ready for this to be over. i look forward to the end of the day, because it means i can stop eating every two hours, yet i dread the end of the day, because it means a new day is coming, which means another day i have to begin by throwing up. so. sick. of. it.

during the day, generally i feel okay (except for yesterday... yesterday sucked ass. in contrast, today i had tons of energy and hardly any nausea -- after my morning puking ritual, anyway). i still have all the same symptoms, but i can't tell if i'm any less emotional. i'm on a gilmore girls marathon and am currently going through the whole luke/lorelei/christopher fiasco in the last season, and i've been crying a lot. i didn't cry the first time i saw the last season, not until the last episode anyway. i didn't cry the second time i saw the last season, either. but for some reason, this time, everything is making me cry. the very fact that gilmore girls no longer exists is making me cry, and the fact that i am nearing the last episode and am left with a cliffhanger like the rest of the gilmore girls fans is making me cry. but this blog isn't about gilmore girls. i guess my point is, i'm probably still really emotional. i swear, other than that, i'm peachy!

i finally met with my beautiful midwife last week. everything is dandy. i wasn't even dehydrated! score.

heartburn is kicking my ass.

i think i might be feeling some fluttering. with river, i never felt fluttering. just one night, a full on POW at sixteen weeks, hey mom, i'm here. there was no doubt about baby movement. the second time i felt him move was two days later, and i actually saw it, too. from that day on, i felt him every single day. he was a kicker, not a flutterer. and i know it's super early and it's probably just gas, but i swear, i'm lying there feeling nothing, and then all of a sudden -- the faintest of flutters. so who knows. i'm skeptical. but then again, i don't know what flutters feel like, only pows. that's my boy.

edit: i say early, but i was only a week further along when i started feeling river move!

12 weeks

at twelve weeks, the all-day sickness started easing up a lot. it's actually worse at night than in the morning. once i get up and have my daily meeting leaning over the toilet, i'm good to go. but around five in the evening, it doesn't matter what i do, i start feeling super crappy and nauseated, and can't wait until it's river's bed time so i can go to bed, too.

i find when i am busy throughout the day, i feel better. when i'm lying around, the nausea is all i can think about. i'm really getting tired of having to eat every two hours just to keep the nausea at bay. i'm getting to the point where i can't remember what it's like to be hungry and not feel nauseous. with river, my nausea lasted until about 17-18 weeks. i hope i don't have to wait that long for it to pass this time. i'm more than ready to feel normal again!

my uterus is getting heavy. when i'm constantly sipping water, i literally have to pee every twenty minutes, which makes it difficult to stay hydrated, because i don't like peeing every twenty minutes, so i'd rather just not drink anything! i also experienced heartburn for the first time this pregnancy, a few days ago. i think it was from eating chocolate (nooooo). back pain is pretty bad some days. i don't know what makes it better or worse; it seems to just come when it wants. breastfeeding is becoming more painful. we are nursing less and less -- probably down to five times a day. (which may sound like a lot, but compared to before, it's significantly less.) i have horrible acne due to the pregnancy. frequent headaches, associated with the nausea. very annoying. everything else is the same.

oh, and the whole, "i'm giving up junk food" bit? by that, i totally meant "i'm giving up junk food when morning sickness is over and i don't have to find random things in the pantry to fill my stomach so i don't puke." i really don't eat junk that often. but it's easier to stuff myself with five cookies and a glass of milk (no, i'm not kidding) than it is a bowl full of grapes. when my nausea goes away and i don't have to eat constantly, i fully intend to eat a fresh, completely healthy diet and give up all (yes, all) junk food. my main motivation? i want a smaller baby. river was 9 pounds, and i don't want a 10-pounder this time around. his birth was fairly easy, so i expect birthing a 7-pound baby may be even easier.

this pregnancy seems to be going by much faster than the first, probably because i have river to keep up with. i can't believe i am in my second trimester! just read about thirteen-week development -- my baby can make a fist and suck its thumb and make sounds and is three inches long? um, hello... totally cute. i have a three-inch long baby who sucks his thumb.

10 & 11 weeks

i can't say there was much change. again, i have good days and bad days. one day i was feeling great, and because i am nearing 12 weeks, i thought this meant the morning sickness was finally going away, but the three days after that were awful. i have succumbed to gagging over the toilet every morning before breakfast, and as long as i eat and am able to lay down all day, i feel okay. i am exhausted and even walking around for a few minutes makes me feel so light-headed and nauseated. it's not fun, and i'm getting pretty sick of feeling sick all the time. i just want to feel normal!

other than that, all other symptoms are the same, except my back pain is getting slightly worse. not bad enough to keep me from doing anything though -- so as soon as this nausea goes away, i fully intend to get back to living a normal life.

food aversions this week are hard-boiled eggs and subway sandwiches. i have very little appetite when i am nauseous and have had to force myself to eat.

9 weeks

wow -- what a difference week nine was in terms of morning sickness. i met with the toilet every other day and had a pretty consistent gagging feeling in the back of my throat -- so freaking unpleasant. i can't tell you how many times i had to stop talking mid-sentence and refrain from randomly gagging (although, it's still not as horrible as it was with river).

still constantly hungry, but no real appetite. i will crave the most random things throughout the day; this week it was dolmas, cheese enchiladas from taco cabana, cinnamon rolls from lulu's, barbacoa tacos from chacho's (all of these restaurants are very far from pittsburgh, sadly!) and beef... i don't normally eat beef (it kind of grosses me out) and when i was pregnant with river, beef was one of my food aversions, but this time i am craving it and it is delicious! this is a good thing, since i had a problem with anemia last time.

slight over-active sense of smell (but not bad), excess saliva (really gross and pretty bad this week), fatigue, sneezing. no back pain this week! this pregnancy is so easy compared to my first pregnancy.

8 weeks

besides horrible back pain most likely due to a strained muscle and not related to pregnancy and a fever unrelated to the horrible back pain, week 8 was easier in terms of morning sickness. i have not once thrown up and it has become so mild that i can get up in the morning without eating something first. of course, i do have to eat right away or i do risk gagging or dry retching (lovely, i know) but all in all, this pregnancy compared to my pregnancy with river is so much easier. even my other symptoms are milder. my sense of smell, while stronger, is not as out of control as it was with river. my back pain (the kind caused by pregnancy) is pretty uncomfortable, but i think that also might have to do with the fact that i sit a lot. i should probably start walking during the moments i feel good to take some of the pressure off my back, but it's so cold here in pittsburgh and i'm a complete texas wimp! i could walk in over 100 degree weather during my pregnancy with river, but don't ask me to walk in 40 degree weather. ;)

my hunger beast is still crazy, but my appetite hasn't returned. i can eat most anything now without feeling sick about the smell or taste (um, except pizza. my family has been eating a plethora of pizza lately and now i really can't touch it) which is great, but as far as feeling like eating anything, i would be fine if i didn't eat all day long. if my stomach wouldn't get hungry so fast. i am on an infant's eating schedule! i have to eat practically every three hours or i will feel absolutely starving and then i will get nauseated.

other than my positive update on morning sickness, i still have the other symptoms -- back pain, over-active sense of smell, sore nipples, excess saliva, bitchy hormones. i have been craving sushi! good thing my favorite sushi from HEB is cooked. too bad the closest HEB is 1,500 miles away. oh and sneezing! i forgot that pregnancy makes me sneeze. is that not hilarious? i just randomly sneeze. it sneaks up on me without warning. the other night i woke myself up at 3:45 am with a sneeze. (i've read that it's because when you're pregnant, your entire body is producing more mucus and fluids -- hence the excess saliva).

oh! and i can feel my uterus! which is definitely a milestone. with river i couldn't feel it myself until i was about thirteen or fourteen weeks pregnant. this time i am completely aware of it as of two days ago. it just seems to have popped out. definitely not showing at all yet, though. i found out today it's about the size of an orange and the baby is about an inch long. love. :)

7 weeks

my morning sickness is at its worst in the morning, but i've found that drinking water during the night and eating constantly during the day, even when i don't feel like it, keeps my nausea at bay. some days are worse than others, and i have lost five pounds this week, but none have been as bad as they were with river. during my first pregnancy, i could barely eat a meal without losing it. with this baby, i may be horribly uncomfortable but i can still manage to eat. food aversions are worse when i don't eat. so if i stay on top of it and graze between meals, i feel best. as far as food aversions go, when my nausea is bad, nothing sounds good. but the few things i have actually craved have been various fruit, yogurt, fish sticks, cheez-its, and taco salad. very weird!

slight sensitivity to smell, excess saliva which is way more disgusting than you can imagine, sometimes trouble sleeping. i'm more teary-eyed this time around than with river. but not in a bad way -- i'm crying happy tears at the drop of a hat. anything that has to do with motherhood, babies, children, and i am gasping back tears! disney commercials, diaper commercials ... it's pretty funny.

i haven't really experienced any more symptoms. my back hurts occasionally, but not as bad as it hurt with river, and not often. my nipples are still slightly sore and breastfeeding hurts every once in a while, but this too isn't very often. i've been lucky so far for an easier pregnancy this time around!

6 weeks

a few days ago i started feeling a little queasy throughout the day. i've realized it's usually when i'm dehydrated, hungry, if i've eaten too much, or if i've eaten food that is too rich. it has stayed pretty steady and is very manageable, not affecting what i am able to do during the day. i experience hunger pangs every two hours, no matter how much i eat. my sense of smell is a bit stronger but is not bad at all. my nipples have gotten more tender and breastfeeding is more painful and my back hurts when i do too much. one day last week i spent the entire day cleaning, doing laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, and grocery shopping, and my back pain was horrible. if i relax during the day it does not hurt as much. i think my iron is going down because i am frequently feeling weak and light-headed, and am experiencing more heart palpitations. i need to start floradix as soon as i fly home next week.

food diary - week 5

february 10
10:00 am steel cut oats w/ honey & blackberries, coffee ice cream, glass of milk
12:00 pm 3 eggs scrambled w/ 2 cups spinach, glass of water
2:30 pm snack of cheese, bowl of cereal, pistachio crackers, glass of water
6:00 pm two helpings of homemade mac & cheese w/ sausage, two glasses of water
10:30 pm dump cake, glass of milk

february 11

9:00 am yogurt with blackberries and raw sugar

11:30 am dump cake, glass of water

2:00 pm two helpings homemade mac & cheese, two glasses of water

6:00 pm two bowls cereal

10:00 pm ham sandwhich w/ swiss cheese spinach, olives, banana peppers, glass of water, cup of hot cocoa

february 12

10:30 am fruit smoothie made w/ almond milk & honey
1:30 pm cheese enchiladas, rice & beans, two glasses of sweet tea, one glass of water
8:00 pm cheesy pasta casserole

february 13
9:30 am egg & bacon taco
12:30 pm lomein & rice, glass of water
6:00 pm cheesy pasta casserole
8:30 pm bran cereal w/ organic milk, blueberries and bananas
11:00 pm 1/2 avocado

february 14
9:30 am two muffins, handful of grapes, glass of milk
1:00 pm nachos w/ chicken & veggies, 2 glasses of water, handful of grapes
5:00 pm giant slice of the fattest, most unhealthy, delicious pie you can imagine
7:45 pm creamy pesto pasta, two glasses water

5 weeks

it's official. we took the test this morning and it came back positive! my emotions are similar to when i found out i was pregnant with river. my thoughts with river were that i still felt like a kid, like i wasn't old enough to be a mother. yet, being a mother is what my dream has been since i was tiny, so it felt natural and perfect. this time around, i feel too young to have two kids. i mean, river's my buddy. he's my baby, my precious boy, and i can't imagine having another one. i can't imagine loving two -- i mean, i know i will. but at this point, it almost feels like this little one is invading my relationship with my first born. i am very excited, a little worried about the future, however i know most of my worries are because of what other people will think. when i subtract those from my thoughts, then there are no regrets. i'm ready to be a mama of two.

as far as symptoms, there are none besides my nipples being a little sensitive when river nurses. not a hint of morning sickness. i am staying optimistic. i am meeting with my midwife possibly on monday -- i can't wait! she is one of the sweetest, most amazing women i've ever met and i am so lucky to have her in my life. we joked around that the only reason i got pregnant was to hang out with her again. 

i am going to grow this baby healthy. i have gone cold-turkey on coffee and junk (for the most part). i will start taking iron now so that i don't become anemic, and i will make sure to eat good, fresh foods. i am going to start a food diary now so that i can really keep up with what i'm putting in my body. one thing i know i will have to work on is getting enough liquids. i was dehydrated and anemic for the majority of my first pregnancy and will not let that happen this time.

one thing i've thought of before, but that hasn't come to mind since i discovered i was pregnant until now, is the event of river being present during the homebirth. i've always loved the idea of my children being present at my homebirths, and maybe this is the chance for that to happen. i may want him out of the room, if he is being clingy and grumpy, but i guess we'll see when we get there.

4 weeks

it has been four days since i should have started my period. last month, i was two days late, so i am somewhat unconcerned. though i have been regular for about four months my regular is still irregular, if compared to my regular before, which was regular to the day. ;) the only difference is, this time i feel i really might be pregnant. john thinks i'm pregnant too. i am anxious to find out, for a few reasons.

first of all, not knowing whether or not you are pregnant is enough to make anyone crazy, whether you are wanting a baby, or not wanting a baby, or do not care either way. because a teeny baby is quite a life and body changing creature.

second, i am going out of town on the 15th and would love to meet with my midwife alisa before i leave, if i am pregnant. alisa is so dear to me and i would absolutely love an excuse to meet up with her, because although a visit with her would include blood work and scales and talking about diet and prenatal vitamins, mostly, we would just talk. and that is perfect.

third, i had such horrible morning sickness during my first pregnancy and was practically bed-ridden for the first trimester. i would like to at least have some warning that this awful, god-forsaken time of pregnancy will creep up on me again. if i receive proper warning (which would simply involve peeing on a three-dollar stick) then i will have more motivation to eat healthy and stay hydrated and start taking iron (i was dangerously anemic for about half of my first pregnancy), and perhaps that would help with the nausea. i know it made a big difference last time, when i switched from eating fast food and microwaveable meals to grains and fresh fruit and good sources of protein.

i have to convince john, though. he doesn't want to find out yet, and i think partly because once we find out, we will feel the obligation to tell our families. also, i get the feeling he wants to wait it out and not waste three precious dollars on a test, and a bit of him doesn't want to get attached to the idea of a new baby, only to suffer through a miscarriage.

i have a lot of thoughts about having another baby. i will keep them all for the entry i post if we find out i am, in fact, growing a baby.