13 & 14 weeks

hi second trimester. you haven't been much different than the first. all the same symptoms, and still you lead me to lean over the toilet every morning. if anything, you taught me that throwing up every day for two months does some damage to one's esophagus, and that evening i puked up a little blood and couldn't eat the rest of the day because my throat felt like it was on fire -- that was by far more unpleasant than any day first trimester handed to me. so thanks.

i am so ready for this to be over. i look forward to the end of the day, because it means i can stop eating every two hours, yet i dread the end of the day, because it means a new day is coming, which means another day i have to begin by throwing up. so. sick. of. it.

during the day, generally i feel okay (except for yesterday... yesterday sucked ass. in contrast, today i had tons of energy and hardly any nausea -- after my morning puking ritual, anyway). i still have all the same symptoms, but i can't tell if i'm any less emotional. i'm on a gilmore girls marathon and am currently going through the whole luke/lorelei/christopher fiasco in the last season, and i've been crying a lot. i didn't cry the first time i saw the last season, not until the last episode anyway. i didn't cry the second time i saw the last season, either. but for some reason, this time, everything is making me cry. the very fact that gilmore girls no longer exists is making me cry, and the fact that i am nearing the last episode and am left with a cliffhanger like the rest of the gilmore girls fans is making me cry. but this blog isn't about gilmore girls. i guess my point is, i'm probably still really emotional. i swear, other than that, i'm peachy!

i finally met with my beautiful midwife last week. everything is dandy. i wasn't even dehydrated! score.

heartburn is kicking my ass.

i think i might be feeling some fluttering. with river, i never felt fluttering. just one night, a full on POW at sixteen weeks, hey mom, i'm here. there was no doubt about baby movement. the second time i felt him move was two days later, and i actually saw it, too. from that day on, i felt him every single day. he was a kicker, not a flutterer. and i know it's super early and it's probably just gas, but i swear, i'm lying there feeling nothing, and then all of a sudden -- the faintest of flutters. so who knows. i'm skeptical. but then again, i don't know what flutters feel like, only pows. that's my boy.

edit: i say early, but i was only a week further along when i started feeling river move!

12 weeks

at twelve weeks, the all-day sickness started easing up a lot. it's actually worse at night than in the morning. once i get up and have my daily meeting leaning over the toilet, i'm good to go. but around five in the evening, it doesn't matter what i do, i start feeling super crappy and nauseated, and can't wait until it's river's bed time so i can go to bed, too.

i find when i am busy throughout the day, i feel better. when i'm lying around, the nausea is all i can think about. i'm really getting tired of having to eat every two hours just to keep the nausea at bay. i'm getting to the point where i can't remember what it's like to be hungry and not feel nauseous. with river, my nausea lasted until about 17-18 weeks. i hope i don't have to wait that long for it to pass this time. i'm more than ready to feel normal again!

my uterus is getting heavy. when i'm constantly sipping water, i literally have to pee every twenty minutes, which makes it difficult to stay hydrated, because i don't like peeing every twenty minutes, so i'd rather just not drink anything! i also experienced heartburn for the first time this pregnancy, a few days ago. i think it was from eating chocolate (nooooo). back pain is pretty bad some days. i don't know what makes it better or worse; it seems to just come when it wants. breastfeeding is becoming more painful. we are nursing less and less -- probably down to five times a day. (which may sound like a lot, but compared to before, it's significantly less.) i have horrible acne due to the pregnancy. frequent headaches, associated with the nausea. very annoying. everything else is the same.

oh, and the whole, "i'm giving up junk food" bit? by that, i totally meant "i'm giving up junk food when morning sickness is over and i don't have to find random things in the pantry to fill my stomach so i don't puke." i really don't eat junk that often. but it's easier to stuff myself with five cookies and a glass of milk (no, i'm not kidding) than it is a bowl full of grapes. when my nausea goes away and i don't have to eat constantly, i fully intend to eat a fresh, completely healthy diet and give up all (yes, all) junk food. my main motivation? i want a smaller baby. river was 9 pounds, and i don't want a 10-pounder this time around. his birth was fairly easy, so i expect birthing a 7-pound baby may be even easier.

this pregnancy seems to be going by much faster than the first, probably because i have river to keep up with. i can't believe i am in my second trimester! just read about thirteen-week development -- my baby can make a fist and suck its thumb and make sounds and is three inches long? um, hello... totally cute. i have a three-inch long baby who sucks his thumb.