6 weeks

a few days ago i started feeling a little queasy throughout the day. i've realized it's usually when i'm dehydrated, hungry, if i've eaten too much, or if i've eaten food that is too rich. it has stayed pretty steady and is very manageable, not affecting what i am able to do during the day. i experience hunger pangs every two hours, no matter how much i eat. my sense of smell is a bit stronger but is not bad at all. my nipples have gotten more tender and breastfeeding is more painful and my back hurts when i do too much. one day last week i spent the entire day cleaning, doing laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, and grocery shopping, and my back pain was horrible. if i relax during the day it does not hurt as much. i think my iron is going down because i am frequently feeling weak and light-headed, and am experiencing more heart palpitations. i need to start floradix as soon as i fly home next week.

food diary - week 5

february 10
10:00 am steel cut oats w/ honey & blackberries, coffee ice cream, glass of milk
12:00 pm 3 eggs scrambled w/ 2 cups spinach, glass of water
2:30 pm snack of cheese, bowl of cereal, pistachio crackers, glass of water
6:00 pm two helpings of homemade mac & cheese w/ sausage, two glasses of water
10:30 pm dump cake, glass of milk

february 11

9:00 am yogurt with blackberries and raw sugar

11:30 am dump cake, glass of water

2:00 pm two helpings homemade mac & cheese, two glasses of water

6:00 pm two bowls cereal

10:00 pm ham sandwhich w/ swiss cheese spinach, olives, banana peppers, glass of water, cup of hot cocoa

february 12

10:30 am fruit smoothie made w/ almond milk & honey
1:30 pm cheese enchiladas, rice & beans, two glasses of sweet tea, one glass of water
8:00 pm cheesy pasta casserole

february 13
9:30 am egg & bacon taco
12:30 pm lomein & rice, glass of water
6:00 pm cheesy pasta casserole
8:30 pm bran cereal w/ organic milk, blueberries and bananas
11:00 pm 1/2 avocado

february 14
9:30 am two muffins, handful of grapes, glass of milk
1:00 pm nachos w/ chicken & veggies, 2 glasses of water, handful of grapes
5:00 pm giant slice of the fattest, most unhealthy, delicious pie you can imagine
7:45 pm creamy pesto pasta, two glasses water

5 weeks

it's official. we took the test this morning and it came back positive! my emotions are similar to when i found out i was pregnant with river. my thoughts with river were that i still felt like a kid, like i wasn't old enough to be a mother. yet, being a mother is what my dream has been since i was tiny, so it felt natural and perfect. this time around, i feel too young to have two kids. i mean, river's my buddy. he's my baby, my precious boy, and i can't imagine having another one. i can't imagine loving two -- i mean, i know i will. but at this point, it almost feels like this little one is invading my relationship with my first born. i am very excited, a little worried about the future, however i know most of my worries are because of what other people will think. when i subtract those from my thoughts, then there are no regrets. i'm ready to be a mama of two.

as far as symptoms, there are none besides my nipples being a little sensitive when river nurses. not a hint of morning sickness. i am staying optimistic. i am meeting with my midwife possibly on monday -- i can't wait! she is one of the sweetest, most amazing women i've ever met and i am so lucky to have her in my life. we joked around that the only reason i got pregnant was to hang out with her again. 

i am going to grow this baby healthy. i have gone cold-turkey on coffee and junk (for the most part). i will start taking iron now so that i don't become anemic, and i will make sure to eat good, fresh foods. i am going to start a food diary now so that i can really keep up with what i'm putting in my body. one thing i know i will have to work on is getting enough liquids. i was dehydrated and anemic for the majority of my first pregnancy and will not let that happen this time.

one thing i've thought of before, but that hasn't come to mind since i discovered i was pregnant until now, is the event of river being present during the homebirth. i've always loved the idea of my children being present at my homebirths, and maybe this is the chance for that to happen. i may want him out of the room, if he is being clingy and grumpy, but i guess we'll see when we get there.

4 weeks

it has been four days since i should have started my period. last month, i was two days late, so i am somewhat unconcerned. though i have been regular for about four months my regular is still irregular, if compared to my regular before, which was regular to the day. ;) the only difference is, this time i feel i really might be pregnant. john thinks i'm pregnant too. i am anxious to find out, for a few reasons.

first of all, not knowing whether or not you are pregnant is enough to make anyone crazy, whether you are wanting a baby, or not wanting a baby, or do not care either way. because a teeny baby is quite a life and body changing creature.

second, i am going out of town on the 15th and would love to meet with my midwife alisa before i leave, if i am pregnant. alisa is so dear to me and i would absolutely love an excuse to meet up with her, because although a visit with her would include blood work and scales and talking about diet and prenatal vitamins, mostly, we would just talk. and that is perfect.

third, i had such horrible morning sickness during my first pregnancy and was practically bed-ridden for the first trimester. i would like to at least have some warning that this awful, god-forsaken time of pregnancy will creep up on me again. if i receive proper warning (which would simply involve peeing on a three-dollar stick) then i will have more motivation to eat healthy and stay hydrated and start taking iron (i was dangerously anemic for about half of my first pregnancy), and perhaps that would help with the nausea. i know it made a big difference last time, when i switched from eating fast food and microwaveable meals to grains and fresh fruit and good sources of protein.

i have to convince john, though. he doesn't want to find out yet, and i think partly because once we find out, we will feel the obligation to tell our families. also, i get the feeling he wants to wait it out and not waste three precious dollars on a test, and a bit of him doesn't want to get attached to the idea of a new baby, only to suffer through a miscarriage.

i have a lot of thoughts about having another baby. i will keep them all for the entry i post if we find out i am, in fact, growing a baby.