4 weeks

it has been four days since i should have started my period. last month, i was two days late, so i am somewhat unconcerned. though i have been regular for about four months my regular is still irregular, if compared to my regular before, which was regular to the day. ;) the only difference is, this time i feel i really might be pregnant. john thinks i'm pregnant too. i am anxious to find out, for a few reasons.

first of all, not knowing whether or not you are pregnant is enough to make anyone crazy, whether you are wanting a baby, or not wanting a baby, or do not care either way. because a teeny baby is quite a life and body changing creature.

second, i am going out of town on the 15th and would love to meet with my midwife alisa before i leave, if i am pregnant. alisa is so dear to me and i would absolutely love an excuse to meet up with her, because although a visit with her would include blood work and scales and talking about diet and prenatal vitamins, mostly, we would just talk. and that is perfect.

third, i had such horrible morning sickness during my first pregnancy and was practically bed-ridden for the first trimester. i would like to at least have some warning that this awful, god-forsaken time of pregnancy will creep up on me again. if i receive proper warning (which would simply involve peeing on a three-dollar stick) then i will have more motivation to eat healthy and stay hydrated and start taking iron (i was dangerously anemic for about half of my first pregnancy), and perhaps that would help with the nausea. i know it made a big difference last time, when i switched from eating fast food and microwaveable meals to grains and fresh fruit and good sources of protein.

i have to convince john, though. he doesn't want to find out yet, and i think partly because once we find out, we will feel the obligation to tell our families. also, i get the feeling he wants to wait it out and not waste three precious dollars on a test, and a bit of him doesn't want to get attached to the idea of a new baby, only to suffer through a miscarriage.

i have a lot of thoughts about having another baby. i will keep them all for the entry i post if we find out i am, in fact, growing a baby.